Easter and Adoption

What Adoption Has Taught Me About Redemption

I’ll admit that growing up, Easter wasn’t my favorite holiday.  I was Team Christmas all the way.  Who doesn’t love the sparkle and glow and homemade cookies of December?  And who doesn’t love presents? 

 Christmas 2014, still one of my favorite pictures!  

(Clearly 3 wise men weren’t available)

Easter, to me, was where the Easter Bunny left me random Robin Eggs and gooey Peeps that I didn’t care for much.  Why couldn’t he raid The North Pole and bring me something I actually would enjoy?

But as I’ve grown older, Easter has become my absolute favorite holiday season of the year.  And not for all the reasons that many love this season…don’t get me wrong; I love a good egg hunt and some beautifully dyed eggs just like anyone else.

                                               Priya, Easter 2014

I love Easter because of one word:

Redemption.

I love that we, as Christians, take this time to ponder the sacrifice of our Lord Jesus Christ.  Now more than ever, we try to wrap our minds around the torture Jesus willingly endured for our salvation.  I relish in partaking in the Lord’s Supper with my church every year, thanking God for sending Jesus to be broken and bruised and shed his blood for the payment of our sins.  Maybe because there isn’t much peace and quiet in my life these days, I treasure the opportunity to ponder the miracle of redemption.  Romans 5:8, "God demonstrated His love for us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."  

And then there’s Easter Sunday.  I mean, Good Friday would just be Friday if it weren’t for Easter Sunday.  If Jesus had stayed in the grave, then it all means nothing.  He wasn’t the first man crucified, and he wasn’t the last.  But He WAS the first and only man who defeated death and sin forever when he ROSE AGAIN FROM THE GRAVE! His resurrection means everything!  Those who are His will live forever with Him (John 11:25).  In Him, we have this glorious hope!  I love Easter.

And this year, it just so happens that Easter is extra special for the Mathew family. Our beloved Priya’s Gotcha Day is smack dab in the middle of Good Friday and Easter Sunday.  This year marks her 10^th year of being in our family.  10 years!  Time flies.  It feels like yesterday.

Here's a little video Wes put together for Priya when we celebrated her first Gotcha Day-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CykrahVbVG4

And as I have been pondering the last 10 years of our lives with her and looking through old pictures of Priya, I realize, more than ever, something profound:  Adoption is a redemption story.  Adoption is the story of Easter!

You see, when God set forth His plan to redeem mankind to Himself, which He planned before the foundation of the world was laid, adoption was a part of that plan.

We were all born into a situation that was beyond our control.  We are all sinners.  (Romans 3:23).  The Bible says we were destitute, separated from God and without hope in the world (Ephesians 2:12)

                                                     Priya, circa 2009 in India at her orphanage

And because of our sin, our future was grim:  Romans 6:23 “The wages of sin is death…”

But God, who is rich in mercy and abounds in everlasting love, saw us in our desperate state.  And He came for us.  Romans 6:23b says, “But the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

John 3:16 “For God SO loved the world that He gave His only begotten son; that whoever believes in Him will not perish, but have everlasting life.”

Jesus was born, lived a sinless life, and then paid the price for our redemption by dying on the cross.  He rose again the 3^rd day to seal the deal and give us the glorious hope of eternal life.  He fulfilled ALL the legal requirements to purchase us, to redeem us, to adopt us.

I think it’s quite miraculous that God chose this very special name for His relationship with those who believe.  I mean, He could have called us anything.  He’s God.  He could call us “soldiers” or “minions” or “mortals” or “creatures” or whatever He wants.

But He didn’t choose any of those names.

He chooses to call us “sons and daughters.”  Through adoption. 

Ephesians 8:15-17 says, ¹⁵ For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba! Father!” ¹⁶ The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, ¹⁷ and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him.

He brings us into His FAMILY.  He is our Father, and we are His children!  He gives us identity and tells us we belong.  He comforts, provides, rebukes, encourages, disciplines, defends, and teaches us, just as a father should do. 

And when He adopts us, He makes a GREAT promise to us in John 14:18!  He says, “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.”

Friends, He’s coming back for us!  To bring us to live with Him forever!

John 14:1-6 “Do not let your heart be troubled; believe in God, believe also in Me.  In My Father’s house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you.  If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also.  And you know the way where I am going.  Thomas said to Him, “Lord, we do not know where You are going, how do we know the way?” Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me.”

                                              Priya in the room we prepared for her

And when we’re adopted, we come to LIFE!  John 10:10 “The enemy only comes to steal, kill, and destroy; but I have come that they might have LIFE, and have it more abundantly.”

I love some of these pictures of Priya, SO full of life!

So as I ponder this redemption, this adoption, I celebrate what God has done in the life of my Priya over these past 10 years.  She is the BEST.  She is.  She has brought us unspeakable joy and touched the heart of everyone who knows her. Priya, your name was so perfectly chosen for you, our beloved sweetheart.

But what I celebrate most of all is my own adoption.  God saw me in my desperation, came for me, brought me into His family, and will return for me!  And that, my friends, changes everything!

May you find a place at the table of our King this Easter.  He’s already fulfilled what was required for your redemption, for your adoption.  Will you trust Him as your Father?  He has unspeakable things planned for your life!  I Corinthians 2:9 “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no heart has imagined, what God has prepared for those who love Him.”

Happy Easter!  He is risen!  Hallelujah!

Thou Shalt Not Quit

Growing up as a preacher’s kid, you definitely learn the 10 Commandments…but I believe if my dad could have added an 11^th commandment to the list, it would have been:

THOU SHALT NOT QUIT.

My dad hates when people quit.  

When I hear people say, "We divorced because we grew apart, and we were both just traveling so much..." I think about how my dad served in Vietnam for 2 years, having to leave my mom and newborn baby, Rodney, back home, but that didn't make them quit.

I think about how some say, "We were just kids when we married.  We didn't know what we were doing.  We made a mistake..."  Well, if these aren't 2 kids who managed to stick it out...

My dad doesn't believe in quitting.

My brother Sam learned this the hard way when he agreed to go to a roofing job with my dad, in the heat of Houston summer, and dad wouldn’t let him quit.  Sam had to keep tossing those shingles.  At the end of the work week, Sam pointedly told my dad, “I’m getting myself an education.”

Robby learned this lesson the hard way when, because of a junior high crush who played in the band, he signed up for a year of playing saxophone at school.  (Stand By Me, anyone?)  When the crush didn’t work out, and the saxophone playing FOR SURE wasn’t working out…dad wouldn’t let him quit.

And I, too, learned this lesson when I let the middle school coach talk me into playing a season of basketball.  I despised it.  It was just glorified running, and every once in a while a ball was thrown to me, which I handled terribly.  So basically, because dad wouldn’t let me quit, I spent the season running up and down the gym and counting down the minutes at every practice and game.  “Kasey,” he would say, “you told the coach you would play, and that’s what you’re gonna do.”  THOU SHALT NOT QUIT.

But this month on August 24th, my parents are celebrating their 50^th wedding anniversary.  50 years.  What an amazing occasion to celebrate!  50 years of not quitting.

I’m sure if you just looked at my mom’s facebook account, you would just see a happy-go-lucky couple who enjoys church and family stuff.  By family, I mean grandkids.  But you don’t stay married for 50 years just by going to church and having some fun hobbies or even spending time with your grandkids. 

You stay married for 50 years when you DON’T QUIT.

And over these 50 years, I’m sure there were plenty of times they felt like quitting.  It wasn’t always easy; in fact, a lot of the trials my parents endured would have made almost ANYONE quit. 

But my parents never did.  Still haven’t.

Here they are, celebrating 50 year of marriage!  Congratulations, Mom and Dad! 

In Bible terms, not quitting is called FAITHFULNESS.  It’s doing what you say you’ll do, no matter what.

In sickness and in health, for better or for worse, for rich or for poor…

DON’T QUIT.

Mom and Dad, we honor you this month as you reach this amazing milestone in your lives.  Thank you for the life lessons you taught us and continue to teach us, not just by your words, but by your examples.

I am truly SO grateful that God blessed me with you as parents.  

Happy, happy 50th golden anniversary to you!

The Metamorphosis of Mother's Day

The Metamorphosis of Mother’s Day

(Through the lens of loss, infertility, and adoption)

When I think about Mother’s Day throughout my lifetime, there are many words that come to mind: beautiful, sweet, difficult, painful, tearful, fun, frustrating, depressing, challenging, overwhelming, awesome, lovely, lonely.  Not necessarily in that order.

How can one day, designed to honor and celebrate the amazing moms of the world, conjure up so many different emotions?

You see, when I was young, Mother’s Day was just about celebrating my mom.  And she is a precious woman who deserves to be celebrated!  We would take her out to eat (for SURE to eat Mexican food) and give her the day “off” in some way.  We always enjoyed surprising Mom with gifts and showering her with love on Mother’s Day.  Usually, my brothers tried not to make her cry on that one day of the year.   How kind of them.  Here are my sweet parents whom I love so dearly.

My senior year of college, Mother’s Day changed a whole lot for me because Wes’s mom was tragically killed in a car accident that year.  From then on, Mother’s Day was no longer just about the fun stuff.  It now included a painful and tearful trip to the cemetery to arrange new flowers on the tombstone and reminisce about a beautiful life cut short. 

A few years down the road, after Wes and I were married, Mother’s Day became a time of celebrating, remembering, and now, waiting.  It was my turn to be a mom.  We were waiting for children.  I couldn’t wait for someone to celebrate me on this special day.

As the years passed, the celebrating of my mom continued…the remembering and crying over Wes’s mom continued…AND the waiting on my part continued, too.  And this waiting brought sadness, frustration, and depression around Mother’s Day.  I kinda always dreaded going to church that day, because most of the time the service included some kind of “stand-up-if-you’re-a-mom” type deal which usually sent a wave of the ugly cry over me.

Of course, I loved celebrating moms, MY mom, ALL the moms.  But it was painful to long to be one while heaven seemingly stood silent.

And then, in April 2010, God changed my life forever with my sweet Priya Grace.  He made me a mom in the most wonderful way, through adoption.  Priya was perfect.  She really was.  Ask my friends if you don’t believe me.

Just a few short weeks later was going to be my first Mother’s Day. I couldn’t wait.  I would stand up so proudly in that church service when they called on the mamas!  I was dressed to impress.  Ready.

But that Sunday did NOT go as expected. 

Pastor Gregg preached on infertility that day. 

And, you guessed it, that wave of ugly cry came over me.  Darn it. 

I was very confused by this wave of emotion.  I WAS a mom.  Finally!  And I LOVED Priya.  Adored her, in fact…like my heart was going to BURST with how much I adored her.  So where was all this sadness coming from?  Why all the depressing feelings?  What was that all about?

But I put on my big girl garments and marched ahead, looking forward to the next Mother’s Day.  The next one would be better.  I must just be tired from the trip to India and overwhelmed with emotion, I convinced myself.

The next Mother’s Day added a new member to my brother Robby’s family—sweet Adam Daniel.  It was May 12^th, to be exact, and Priya and I took a trip up to the hospital to meet her newest cousin.  Priya had witnessed Aunt Leslie throughout the entire pregnancy and now was present for the arrival of Adam.  It was a beautiful day, and sweet little 3-year-old Priya loved holding her new baby cousin.  Just look at sweet Adam!

On the way home from the hospital that day, I looked in the rear view mirror to see Priya crying big ol’ crocodile tears.  You should see this girl’s pitiful cry!  I pulled over into a parking lot and took Priya out of the car seat, as she was sobbing quite dramatically at this point.

When Priya finally was able to speak, I asked her, “Sweetie, what’s the matter?”

“Mommy, did Baby Adam come out of Aunt Leslie’s tummy?”

“Yes, he did,” I calmly replied.

More tears.

“Sweetie, what’s wrong?  Why are you so sad about baby Adam?”

“I’m not sad about Adam.  I just want to know whose tummy I came out of, Mommy.”

Oh, Lord, have mercy on my soul!  Was this really happening?  In the Ross parking lot?  On Mother’s Day weekend, of all times?  My 3-year-old adopted daughter is going to bring up her birth mother NOW?  Why can’t I just have a NORMAL Mother’s Day weekend!

And in that moment, through a tearful conversation about her “tummy mommy”, adoption, the orphanage, and more…I realized something profound:  This IS and FOREVER WILL BE a “normal” part of Mother’s Day for me.

…fast forward about 7 years later, and here I am, after all 4 precious kids are finally asleep…writing to tell you that I am just beginning to understand what Mother’s Day is really all about.

And BREAKING NEWS: it’s not about me. (Not to say, Wes, that I would turn down a spa day or pampering session.  Let’s be clear.)

But it’s really NOT about me.

I wouldn’t be a mom without 2 other moms: Priya’s and Hope’s birth mothers.

And in order to honor them, the two women to whom I owe a tremendous debt of gratitude, I must allow my girls to go to that painful place, the spot in their souls that grieves deeply over what was but is no longer.  To grieve what was lost.  To grieve, in a sense, the death of their birth mothers.  No, I have no idea if their birth mothers are alive or not, but I mean grieving the death of a dream.  No child ever wants to lose his/her birth family.  No mama ever forgets birthing a child.  There is so much pain and loss in adoption. 

And so, we’ve done a few different things to honor our girls’ birth moms in the past—bought flowers for the girls’ room, released balloons—but this year I felt compelled to do something more permanent.  Something that would be more significant than a once-a-year gesture.

When I told the girls my idea, they BOTH got so excited.  And so, here they are, planting a tree in our backyard in honor of their birth moms.  

It will serve as a daily reminder of their mothers and hopefully give Priya and Hope the space to honor, cherish, and remember them.  Since the girls chose a tangerine tree, my prayer is that the fruit that comes from the tree will be a sweet reminder to them of all the beautiful qualities they must have inherited from these wonderful ladies.

But more than anything, I think it will be a gentle reminder to me that my girls’ lives and stories didn’t begin with me.  And it’s not about me.  It’s about a God who, through His sovereign kindness, allowed ME to be a part of a much bigger (and better) story that He is writing through Priya’s and Hope’s lives.  They are such a blessing to SO many, and I am convinced that heaven will be filled with so many faces of other children who were adopted because of the influence of these sweet girls.

And so…HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! 

To those who are blessed to have little people to call you Mommy, bless you! 

Galatians 6:9 “Do not grow weary in doing good, for in due season you will reap, if you do not faint.”

For those who are still waiting to become a mommy—we believe and wait in hope!  Praying you find peace and comfort in the waiting this year!  

Isaiah 40:31"Those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength; they will mount up on wings as eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint!"

For those who have lost moms or children—

May the God of peace and comfort give you the peace that passes understanding this Mother’s Day. Philippians 4:7

Thank you, Jesus, for the gift of Mom.